Volkswagen Group have named the Audi Q7 as being the next vehicle for mass recall. This comes at a bad time, with the current recall issues over the 500,000 1.6L and 2.0L TDI models across VW, Audi, Seat and Skoda that are being recalled across the USA due to illegal software designed to cheat emissions tests.
As of early October, a third has already been wiped off the value of VW’s shares, with many fearing that the cost of the current recall could wipe VW out forever. Half a million vehicles will need to be retrofitted with AdBlue or Urea injection, and as well as the cost of parts and labour for each vehicle, VW will have to pay millions for the modified cars to be crash tested again, due to the new placement of fuel tanks. This new scandal could be the final nail in an already well-sealed coffin for VW
The Q7 model, sold from 2005 to present date, is being threatened by a conscience-driven recall by VW’s management staff at their headquarters in Wolfsburg, Germany. At a time when the company is under close scrutiny by the media and customers alike, VW has decided to take on a pre-emptive strike approach to dealing with the problems before they are accused of mis-selling or dishonesty for commercial gain.
Matthias Moeller, the new VW CEO, and previous boss at Porsche, explains:
“Well, we sold them by the shitload to complete and utter fucking areseholes, didn’t we? Just look at the kind of cunt that bought one, and the way that they drive like they own the bastard road. Who do they think they are? Fuck’s sake.”
Matthias goes on to explain that it just isn’t the way Germans do things:
“It’s just not right. Cars should be a way of getting from place to place quickly, efficiently and in comfort. They are not a way to belittle your fellow human beings as you tower over them like some sort of a fascist overlord, hell bent on displaying your superior social standing and priapic excellence. Jesus.”
“I mean, who the fuck really needs a six litre V12 twin turbo diesel? This kind of engine was borne of motorsport and quite frankly should have stayed there. Selling it to cunts who feel the need to accelerate themselves, their spouse and their horrible children to 130mph between sets of traffic lights was obviously a terrible idea. The smoke clouds generated alone are a danger, and many can be seen from space. To top it all off, the Q7 is shit off road as well. I mean, what is it even for? Just get a Mondeo estate or something and stuff the kids in the back. They love that shit. Tell them it’s a space capsule.”
VW are expected to announce a recall plan over the next few days, and insiders say each recall will also include a social intervention from the Q7 owners friends and family, so they can finally tell them what a massive jebend it makes them look. The plans are being viewed as extreme by some motoring experts, but VW are determined to set the record straight where possible in this difficult time.